Mark Terry

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I'm Coming To Get Your Guns!

January 10, 2013

Ignore Feinstein! You have nothing to worry about from her! You need to worry about me! Yes, folks, all of you who have been posting these things on Facebook. I'm coming to take your guns away from you. Personally. All 100,000,000 households in the United States. I'm coming to each and every one of your houses and I'm demanding you give me your guns, all 200,000,000 to 300,000,000 of them. I'm going to take them and melt them down and make a giant monument of every person who has ever been killed by a gun.

And if you resist - and you'd better not! - I'm going to bring on my squadron of black attack helicopters and my ninja midget army. We will take your guns by force, by God! Hear me? I'm taking your guns away! All of them!

And before you get going on ... I'm taking your knives away, too. And your ball-peen hammers. And your baseball bats. Because I'm just getting ahead of your argument that we only try to regulate guns when they're used to kill people, but we don't regulate knives or ball-peen hammers or baseball bats.

Well, hell. Why stop there? Fists are used to kill people? People are strangled. So I'm taking away your hands, too.

Since my increasingly loopy father-in-law told us at Christmas that he wasn't going to church because Obama wasn't allowing guns there and someone was going to come in and shoot everybody, I'm going to close all churches. If we can't keep the guns out of the churches - because the 2nd amendment does guarantee us the right to a well-armed parishioner - then we'll have to just close all the churches.

What? You think I sound like a raving lunatic? That I don't make any sense?

Now you know how I feel when I see nonsense like the post above.

I'm not anti-gun. I can actually think about this issue in a rational way. Can you?


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